Posts Tagged ‘irrelevant’

Aboard the Failship Forgetfulness

Posted: February 11, 2009 by V in Irrelevant
Tags: , ,

Sorry for the long hiatus! This time I actually have no excuse and only one reason: his name is House, M.D. For anyone who dares question the greatness of House there will be punishing blows and ear-rending cries. Let it be known. Do not question the greatness of House.  Moving on.

Two things got me off my ass and moving. One was a text from Susanna (who has also mysteriously disappeared from teh webz), the other, a blog review from Action Flick Chick. Perhaps some of my lethargy was due to the fact that our readers tend to ninja in and out leaving little to no trace of their visit. Please! Leave a comment! It makes us feel read and appreciated. Being read and appreciated makes us happy, and being happy makes us watch more movies and belittle the crap out of them! Its a strange cycle, I know.

During one of our physical visits (that sounds a little like a conjugal visit, doesn’t it?), Susanna mentioned seeing the movie “I Am Legend”. I returned, “I read a book called ‘I Am Legend'”! And thus began horrific conversation in which we discovered one was based on the other. To this day I have not seen the movie, and I believe that Susanna has likewise not read the book. Now, I would like to ask anyone who still keeps up with this blog to provide some input.

Would anyone be interested in the gist of our conversation? I’m sure that we could put something together to public ally display our bewildered confusion develop into horrified discovery? OR

Would anyone be interested in forcing me to watch this movie so that my mind will force my eyes to bleed in denial of the mutilation this story? OR

Would everyone yell at us to get on with reviewing action movies like the blog says we do?

Blog Stats = Amusement

Posted: June 25, 2008 by Zee in Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

So for shits-n-giggles (and really, if you don’t use that term regularly? Start doing so now) I looked up Arterial Spray’s blog stats– specifically the keyword searches. Apparently Google (or whatever) has decided that if you want to find our humble blog, these are the best words to type into your box:

amy smart naked pics (I’m shocked! What makes you perverts think that we would show Amy Smart with her breasts exposed, nipple out for all to see, on our virtuous blog?! May I remind the readership that one authoress is Catholic, while the other is undoubtedly some Chinese philosophical religion that rejects such things as Amy Smart’s breasts?!)

does forbidden kingdom have subtitles? (Spoken like a true American. I salute thee, brothers!)

speed racer, brotherhood (why am I picturing David Carradine here?)

movie (Dude. Really? And more than one person used this as their keyword. Dude. Really?)

film crank 2 (OK, boy, can I relate here!)

crank 2 (77 searches?! Ok, wait, there are people on the Intaweb that are more excited about Crank 2 than I? IMPOSSIBLE. I need to meet all of you. NOW.)

forbidden kingdom white guy (Vicki, you just forgot the name of our site, didn’t you?)

sexxxy (ok, wait…of ALL the sites Google could have directed you to for this search, it sent you to an action movie blog in which two chicks titter over Edward Norton side-butt?!?…wow. Although Vicki and I would both agree Edward Norton side-butt is DAMN ‘sexxxy’. In other news…please, please, PLEASE learn how to spell correctly.)

crank amy smart (I’m sensing a trend)

pics of zombies feeding on girls (you have us confused with a fetish site, I’m afraid. But points on properly using ‘feeding’ as a verb!)

coreyhaim (dude, NO. Yes, I know he’s in Crank 2. With a mullet. And what appears to be a Bacardi Rum tattoo. Still…NO.)

And the number 1 (with 92 queries!) keyword search?

jason statham

Whoever you 92 people are, I think I love you.

Oh, if for whatever reason I end up posting here more than Vicki? She has an excuse…she’s in Taiwan (land of her heritage! Home of…well, Vicki’s relatives as far as I know. And smog. That’s about it, until Vicki corrects me rightly for totally bashing her homeland) for an internship. Y’know, actually doing stuff after she graduated. Pah! But Vicki? This means you have to review at least ONE Taiwanese/Chinese action film that you KNOW will not be released state-side. You’re there for two months! Are you telling me you won’t see at least ONE?! PAH, I say!

Or you have to get me a yurt during your Mongolian travels.

The deal’s on the table.

I have good excuses!

1) I just had finals and graduated college. Like, the day before yesterday.

2) I just moved out of my apartment in NYC. The day before yesterday.

3) I just moved into my parents house in Savannah, GA. Like, three hours ago. My butt, tis numb. I think I might have left it in Roanoke.

4) I have a job interview. Tomorrow afternoon. That was fast.

But I promised Vicki I would review a movie this weekend, and damn it, I could use a mindless spot of blow-em-up entertainment! I’m thinking it’ll be an older (70s or 80s) flick but I haven’t yet decided…you’ll just have to wait on bated breath. (Anyone else think ‘bated breath’ sounds like you haven’t brushed your teeth in weeks? Discuss.)

Thank you Vicki for updating!

– S

Susana, despite her determination to change her subject matter, continues to draw them.
I, despite my attempts at normal conversation, consistently reroute topics to include them.

To see the stimulus for this post, scroll to the bottom to “continue reading”.

For your 2008 Viewing Pleasure, I present: Zombie Releases of the Impending Future

Diary of the Dead – May 6 (limited)
– Film Fest viewing, disappointment at Romero. So-so, not worth the hype.

Day of the Dead – April 8
– Direct to video, re-imagining/remake. Reserving judgment.

Zombie Strippers
– April 18
– Jenna Jameson. This is only here for the WTF factor. They actually made a trailer. YOU go look for it.

Invasion of the Not Quite Dead
– “Summer 2008 UK”
– Zombie alien plague. ‘Nough said.

Quarantine
– October 17
– Reporter and co, trapped in quarantined building with zombie lady. I fear yet another 1st person cam.

Dance of the Dead
– October 20
– Horror comedy in which high school losers save prom from zombies.

Dead Air
– “Winter 2008”
– Radio crew trapped in middle of zombie outbreak, receiving your calls.

Thank you, wiki. When all else fails, someone(s) will have compiled you a list.

This post is brought to you by UCSB, and their summer session class debut:
Comp. Lit. 186A Interdisciplinary Studies: Zombies

(more…)