Posts Tagged ‘in production’

(Bear with me for a moment here -v)

I have a declaration to make. And it isn’t an easy one. Because I love the book “World War Z”, I love zombie movies, and I love disaster movies; I love movies that are disasters, and I even love Brad Pitt,  and most importantly in this case – I love awfulness burried under a cascade of money. And there is no way, whatsoever, that I could not have an absolutely glorious time RENDING this movie’s metaphorical BONES INTO SLURRY. It would be so much fun. Did you see that trailer? Did you see that chopper go down like a wildebeest at a watering hole? How about that tidal wave of super ant people zombies?

 wat

 Left: Experienced pack hunters aim for the sensitive nose and vulnerable underbelly
Right: An admirable but incorrect attempt at breaking the human tower record. 
 

And so, I’m not going to see it. This movie is a travesty of film making. Not only is it just a bad movie, which could, and has, and is very commonly forgiven. It has taken a fantastic book and made it into a terrible movie. For the last two years, I have been waiting, desperately hoping the rumors were a lie, willing to give it the benefit of the doubt. But having seen the final trailer in theatre this weekend, I have to make a stand. And I love bad movies — but there are movies that were never going to be good, movies that would have been good if not for X or Y, or movies that are so bad they’re good. The movie “World War Z” took what was a thoughtful geopolitical social commentary that explores the nature of humanity in a clever and interesting format, and turns it into a one man superdad quest to save the world. What do they think he’s going to do? Deactivate the hive mind so all the zombies collapse?

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Pre-Review: The Expendables

Posted: July 13, 2010 by V in Review
Tags: ,

Okay, I know I’ve made some empty promises to this site over the brief span of its existence. I have made wild claims, perhaps even lied to you, our dear readers. But I swear to you all, on the graves of all of the ancestors I probably have somewhere, that I will write a review for “Expendables”.
(See? I have even written this pre-review so that you will have a contract signed by me, swearing that I will be writing this review ~v)

“Oh, yes”, you roll your eyes and drawl “Of course you will, Vicki” in a cutting yet not undeserved commentary on my past failures to act upon my words. But this movie, with no doubt, is the crux of my quarter century upon this planet; a gem gleaming on a pedestal untouched by by the drab mediocrity of adulthood.  Clearly it has come, this reward, to commemorate the great year and month 25 years past, that I, Vicki was born, an action movie, so amazing, so breathtaking, so superwickedbadass, that many flail uncontrollably when they speak of it. Yes, “The Expendables” is that movie.  In fact, every time I am reminded of it, I begin to gibber. Its getting a little embarrassing, I’m told.

For those of you who haven’t heard, “Expendables”, expected August 13, 2010,  is about a team of mercenaries sent to South America to kill a dictator, or something like that…Blah Blah Blah. But it doesn’t really matter, because that’s the LEAST exciting part about this movie! Dear readers, prepare your emergency adult diapers as I tell you why this is the most *insert superlative here* film to be made since I was a wee child forced to endure the 80s.

IS IT NOT AMAZING?


Oh, I’m sorry. You need more?

MORE? BESIDES Sylvester Fuckin’ Stallone, Jet-I-Shit-You-Not- Li, and Jason-I-told-you-you’d-need-a-diaper- Statham???!!!!    Okay then.

HERE’S YOUR MORE!

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Susana, despite her determination to change her subject matter, continues to draw them.
I, despite my attempts at normal conversation, consistently reroute topics to include them.

To see the stimulus for this post, scroll to the bottom to “continue reading”.

For your 2008 Viewing Pleasure, I present: Zombie Releases of the Impending Future

Diary of the Dead – May 6 (limited)
– Film Fest viewing, disappointment at Romero. So-so, not worth the hype.

Day of the Dead – April 8
– Direct to video, re-imagining/remake. Reserving judgment.

Zombie Strippers
– April 18
– Jenna Jameson. This is only here for the WTF factor. They actually made a trailer. YOU go look for it.

Invasion of the Not Quite Dead
– “Summer 2008 UK”
– Zombie alien plague. ‘Nough said.

Quarantine
– October 17
– Reporter and co, trapped in quarantined building with zombie lady. I fear yet another 1st person cam.

Dance of the Dead
– October 20
– Horror comedy in which high school losers save prom from zombies.

Dead Air
– “Winter 2008”
– Radio crew trapped in middle of zombie outbreak, receiving your calls.

Thank you, wiki. When all else fails, someone(s) will have compiled you a list.

This post is brought to you by UCSB, and their summer session class debut:
Comp. Lit. 186A Interdisciplinary Studies: Zombies

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“Crank 2” Pictures!

Posted: May 3, 2008 by Zee in Uncategorized
Tags: ,

(Vicki refuses to see “Crank 2”. This should give you an idea of how truly awful the first one was. I’m still going opening day. Jason Statham is teh sexxxy– S.)