REVIEW: “Transporter 3”

Posted: June 16, 2009 by V in Review
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Wayyyy back in 2002,  when Susanna still spelled her name with 2 n’s, we went to see a movie. Armed with a liter of  soda and king size bag of Cheddar & Sour Cream Ruffles, we were unprepared for the “The Transporter” experience. In the first 10 minutes there is a high speed car chase, explosions within the first 20 minutes, and missile launchers and helicopter chases in 30. “Transporter 3”, however, does not live up to its predecessor. Here be spoilers -v


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It’s been awhile, but honestly, it’s been awhile since I saw a movie in theatres…

PUBLIC ENEMIES: C’mon! Johnny Depp playing 1930s gangster John Dillenger? How would I NOT want to see this? As much as I love Johnny Depp, I must say this: the older he gets, the more his agent/etc want to cast him as this whitey-white boy protagonist. And truth be told, the older he gets, the more Johnny Depp looks like what he is– a mostly Cherokee Indian! The most obvious bit was in Neverland– you couldn’t pay me to think that that man has one drop of Scottish blood in him.

DISTRICT 9: Hopefully they will keep the documentary-style camera work throughout the film, because that, honestly, would be GREAT. A sci-fi mvie done entirerly straight, just trying to be sociological about the subject matter, would be so refreshing. I will probably see this…depends on what I heat.

TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN: Quite literally the worst CGI I’ve seen in 10 years. Good Lord.

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS: For the love of everything Good and Holy. Brad Pitt, quite literally, looks like my grandfather did during his own WW2 years. I’ve never once thought Brad Pitt was attractive, but seeing him as Granpaw would remove all lingering doubts. What the FUCK is with that awful Southern accent!? Seriously, I think Quentin Tarantino is one of the most overrated directors on the planet. He’s a good screenwriter. Hell, I’d even say he’s a good actor! Just…please, do NOT give him the full reins to a movie. Ow.

SHERLOCK HOLMES: The first trailer, and the only one I hissed to Mah D00d, “If you like it or not, I am dragging you to see this”. C’MON– Robert Downey, Jr. as Sherlock, in a kicky Victorian wardrobe, sans clothing several times, engaged in a cage-fight, and directed by Guy Ritchie, post the soud-sucking Succubus that is Madonna?

How could I NOT see this!?!

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One Last Terminator Note…

Posted: June 11, 2009 by Zee in Uncategorized

The T-800, the original Ah-Nald series Terminator, was sent back to destroy Sarah Connor on May 12, 1984.

I was born exactly one year later.

No wonder I love the series.

REVIEW: “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”

Posted: June 11, 2009 by V in Review
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(X-Men Origins, was an acclaimed comic  series before executives decided that Wolverine as played by Hugh Jackman was a cash cow  just waiting to be slaughtered for golden eggs! As you can probably guess, the comic was about origins, Wolverine’s origins. *whisper* He’s in the X-men! Having received conflicting recommendations about this movie, I decided to view it for myself. –v)

origins angst

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Terminator and the Feminine Mystique

Posted: June 11, 2009 by Zee in Review

So I went to see the latest instalment in the Terminator series this weekend. I have always been something of a Terminator fan: I saw/was traumatized by the first movie when I was about 5 (GREAT PARENTING THERE, Mom and Dad!) and saw T2 around middle school. I admit I skipped T3 (as did most of the movie-going world…shudder…) but I have a big soft spot for the first two movies, if only because they have a kick-ass female protagonist.

I’m 110% honest here: I consider the Terminator movies to be the first feminist action series.

Let’s face it, as much as I love action movies, they’re pretty weak when it comes to chicks. Women in action movies are mostly damsels in distress or femme fatales– there are damn few heroines in the genre, which is a fucking shame. Princess Leia probably kicked off the beginning of positive, kick-ass women in action movies, but really, she’s one of a very, very small minority.

This is why Sarah Connor is so important to the action movie genre. She’s presented to us as the stereotypical damsel-in-distress during the first parts of The Terminator, but Goddamn it, she realizes the danger she’s in, she reacts to it, and she does whatever the Hell she can do to stay alive– but at the same time she doesn’t sacrifice her femininity. She falls in love with and becomes impregnated with Kyle Reese, and she mourns his death as a true partner, and as a mother.

Sarah’s role throughout the series is as “the mother”– John Connor is supposed to be “the prophet”, and she mostly does not matter…supposedly. Take as many Mary/Jesus comparisons as you will. This, however, simply is not the case. Sarah is, in many ways, more important than John, and that is not just because biologically without her he would not exist. After the death of Kyle Reese, Sarah is literally the only person in the world who knows what will happen in the next 20-30 years. She must live with that burden and shoulder it as well as she can, while still raising a child who has no idea what the future will bring.

The Terminator series has always been a great example of positive female characters in the action genre. Terminator Salvation upholds this standard: Lt. Blair Williams (Moon Goodblood) does nothing more than share a tearful kiss with her beloved at the tail end of the movie. Otherwise, she is a strong, independant, take-no-shit-from-anyone kind of gal. She appreciates a helping hand, but doesn’t expect anyone to rescue her.

In my opinion, Sarah Connor ought to be considered the patron saint of Action Chicks. Being an action chick does not mean compromising your femininity. It does not mean you must pull a “Mulan” (sorry, Vicki!) and try to be what you are not. You can only be what you are, and if the odds come down to it…

Bitch, kick some ass.

I’ve got your back.

ETA: My wonderful boyfriend gave me his mint-in-box T2 Sarah Connor action figure ( after I expressed how much I admired this character. I knew there was some reason I keep that boy around…

REVIEW: “The Running Man”

Posted: March 22, 2009 by Zee in Review

How do I love thee, Arnold Schwarzenegger? Lemme count the ways:

1) Your name is nearly unpronounceable, much less spell-able– yet I spelled it right the first time.

2) You’re the Gubernator of my (mostly) home state, and when you ran against Gray Davis it was the first year I was legally allowed to vote (although I admit I didn’t vote for you, since I knew you were going to win anyway…I voted for the sumo wrestler running against you. My God, it was a wonderful thing to be a Californian that year).

3) You starred in Last Action Hero, possibly the only movie my dad worked on that he liked working on.

3a) As a result of that movie, I have your autograph.

4) You starred in The Running Man.
The Running Man

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REVIEW: “The Bank Job”

Posted: February 18, 2009 by Zee in Review

YES so I booked my own passage aboard the Failship. (Can I be the bosun? I always liked saying “bosun”…) My excuse is: I have one day a week when I’m not in grad school or at work. Life has a tendency to get in the way.

But now that I am back for the moment, let me speak of The Bank Job, a gloriously stupid heist flick that has two things immediately going for it:

1) It has Jason Statham in it

2) It is the only DVD I have ever seen that does not have a synopsis of the actual movie on the case….anywhere. Seriously! No summary on the back. No tagline. No nothing that lets you know what this movie is actually about. Although to be fair, if you’re renting a Jason Statham movie you kind of know what you’re in for. I love the man dearly, but it’s not like he does the works of Marlowe between shoot-em-up action flicks.


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Aboard the Failship Forgetfulness

Posted: February 11, 2009 by V in Irrelevant
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Sorry for the long hiatus! This time I actually have no excuse and only one reason: his name is House, M.D. For anyone who dares question the greatness of House there will be punishing blows and ear-rending cries. Let it be known. Do not question the greatness of House.  Moving on.

Two things got me off my ass and moving. One was a text from Susanna (who has also mysteriously disappeared from teh webz), the other, a blog review from Action Flick Chick. Perhaps some of my lethargy was due to the fact that our readers tend to ninja in and out leaving little to no trace of their visit. Please! Leave a comment! It makes us feel read and appreciated. Being read and appreciated makes us happy, and being happy makes us watch more movies and belittle the crap out of them! Its a strange cycle, I know.

During one of our physical visits (that sounds a little like a conjugal visit, doesn’t it?), Susanna mentioned seeing the movie “I Am Legend”. I returned, “I read a book called ‘I Am Legend'”! And thus began horrific conversation in which we discovered one was based on the other. To this day I have not seen the movie, and I believe that Susanna has likewise not read the book. Now, I would like to ask anyone who still keeps up with this blog to provide some input.

Would anyone be interested in the gist of our conversation? I’m sure that we could put something together to public ally display our bewildered confusion develop into horrified discovery? OR

Would anyone be interested in forcing me to watch this movie so that my mind will force my eyes to bleed in denial of the mutilation this story? OR

Would everyone yell at us to get on with reviewing action movies like the blog says we do?

Prince of Persia: pre-pre-preview

Posted: December 18, 2008 by V in Review
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Yeah, yeah, I’ve been missing for a while, but I have a good reason! I’ve been dodging responsibility, er I mean, traveling, till mmm… about 3 days ago, when I returned home to find a great pile of things that need a good fixin’ that were waiting for me. Therefore, I must be excused for being lax in my duties.

So in honor of my journey, I am here today to discuss “Prince of Persia: Sands of Time”. Okay, it has less to do with my journey than the fact that PoP: SoT was one of the BEST GAMES EVAR (honestly, it was spectacular in balancing all the facets of gameplay, plotline, fighting and puzzles, and character development), and I have a mad crush on the Prince.

Also, I didn’t get to go to Iran.


PoP OpeningSo here we go: Read the rest of this entry »

REVIEW: Dark City: The Director’s Cut

Posted: October 11, 2008 by Zee in Review, Uncategorized
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(I admit, I chose this flick for one very, very important reason:

I am f*cking obsessed with this movie.

This has been my favorite movie since it came out in 1998– let’s face it, something has to be daaaamn good for someone to have as her favorite movie for ten years straight. Be prepared for unrestrained gushing. This is my unabashed fangirl moment. -S)

For the uninitiated, Dark City was a sci-fi tour-de-force (as they say) that had three strikes against it:

1) It was marketed as a humanistic drama

2) It came out right after Titanic

3) and a few months before The Matrix

Dark City suffers from constant comparisons to The Matrix, in part due to the subject matter and also due to the unfortunate releasing schedule. As I recall, Dark City lasted only a couple of months in theaters. I, at 13, had no interest in seeing it, simply because my mother wanted to see it. WHY she wanted to, I have no idea. She doesn’t even remember it came out in the first place. So, I allowed my mother to drag me, kicking and screaming, to this movie where the major plot point was– as far as I knew– that everyone dressed like the 1940s. YAWN.

Boy, was I in for a surprise.

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