Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Rape is boring.

There, I said it.

ALIENS003

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Cicada Thug Life

Posted: June 12, 2013 by V in Irrelevant, Uncategorized

Sing, fly, mate, die!

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Beginning of a New Chapter

Posted: August 8, 2011 by Zee in Uncategorized

I come back to this blog with a load off my heart, a spring in my step, and a sackfull of clichés.

For every movie fan there is one actor that you find yourself drawn to again and again, whose movies– whatever dubious qualities they hold– are the ones you simply cannot turn away from. You will be channel-flipping and land three-quarters of the way through one of their films; Hoarders will wait on TiVo. You pass by DVD case after DVD case at Best Buy, totally uninterested in the wares offered, until you see a hitherto unknown film, shot in Serbia with cameras salvaged from a St. Vincent’s charity shop in Finland; that gift card is about to be put to good use.

You cannot explain the appeal of this actor, nor do you think you should even have to. All you know is that whatever diminishing returns and appeal he holds, you will be there in the front row (or more likely on the sofa), enraptured by his every word.

For me, that actor is Christopher Lambert.

Yeah, I said it.

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One Last Terminator Note…

Posted: June 11, 2009 by Zee in Uncategorized

The T-800, the original Ah-Nald series Terminator, was sent back to destroy Sarah Connor on May 12, 1984.

I was born exactly one year later.

No wonder I love the series.

REVIEW: Dark City: The Director’s Cut

Posted: October 11, 2008 by Zee in Review, Uncategorized
Tags: ,

(I admit, I chose this flick for one very, very important reason:

I am f*cking obsessed with this movie.

This has been my favorite movie since it came out in 1998– let’s face it, something has to be daaaamn good for someone to have as her favorite movie for ten years straight. Be prepared for unrestrained gushing. This is my unabashed fangirl moment. -S)

For the uninitiated, Dark City was a sci-fi tour-de-force (as they say) that had three strikes against it:

1) It was marketed as a humanistic drama

2) It came out right after Titanic

3) and a few months before The Matrix

Dark City suffers from constant comparisons to The Matrix, in part due to the subject matter and also due to the unfortunate releasing schedule. As I recall, Dark City lasted only a couple of months in theaters. I, at 13, had no interest in seeing it, simply because my mother wanted to see it. WHY she wanted to, I have no idea. She doesn’t even remember it came out in the first place. So, I allowed my mother to drag me, kicking and screaming, to this movie where the major plot point was– as far as I knew– that everyone dressed like the 1940s. YAWN.

Boy, was I in for a surprise.

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Blog Stats = Amusement

Posted: June 25, 2008 by Zee in Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

So for shits-n-giggles (and really, if you don’t use that term regularly? Start doing so now) I looked up Arterial Spray’s blog stats– specifically the keyword searches. Apparently Google (or whatever) has decided that if you want to find our humble blog, these are the best words to type into your box:

amy smart naked pics (I’m shocked! What makes you perverts think that we would show Amy Smart with her breasts exposed, nipple out for all to see, on our virtuous blog?! May I remind the readership that one authoress is Catholic, while the other is undoubtedly some Chinese philosophical religion that rejects such things as Amy Smart’s breasts?!)

does forbidden kingdom have subtitles? (Spoken like a true American. I salute thee, brothers!)

speed racer, brotherhood (why am I picturing David Carradine here?)

movie (Dude. Really? And more than one person used this as their keyword. Dude. Really?)

film crank 2 (OK, boy, can I relate here!)

crank 2 (77 searches?! Ok, wait, there are people on the Intaweb that are more excited about Crank 2 than I? IMPOSSIBLE. I need to meet all of you. NOW.)

forbidden kingdom white guy (Vicki, you just forgot the name of our site, didn’t you?)

sexxxy (ok, wait…of ALL the sites Google could have directed you to for this search, it sent you to an action movie blog in which two chicks titter over Edward Norton side-butt?!?…wow. Although Vicki and I would both agree Edward Norton side-butt is DAMN ‘sexxxy’. In other news…please, please, PLEASE learn how to spell correctly.)

crank amy smart (I’m sensing a trend)

pics of zombies feeding on girls (you have us confused with a fetish site, I’m afraid. But points on properly using ‘feeding’ as a verb!)

coreyhaim (dude, NO. Yes, I know he’s in Crank 2. With a mullet. And what appears to be a Bacardi Rum tattoo. Still…NO.)

And the number 1 (with 92 queries!) keyword search?

jason statham

Whoever you 92 people are, I think I love you.

Oh, if for whatever reason I end up posting here more than Vicki? She has an excuse…she’s in Taiwan (land of her heritage! Home of…well, Vicki’s relatives as far as I know. And smog. That’s about it, until Vicki corrects me rightly for totally bashing her homeland) for an internship. Y’know, actually doing stuff after she graduated. Pah! But Vicki? This means you have to review at least ONE Taiwanese/Chinese action film that you KNOW will not be released state-side. You’re there for two months! Are you telling me you won’t see at least ONE?! PAH, I say!

Or you have to get me a yurt during your Mongolian travels.

The deal’s on the table.

REVIEW: “Bad Lieutenant”

Posted: June 14, 2008 by Zee in Uncategorized
Tags:

(I seem to be on a weird Harvey Keitel kick lately. Rest assured I will not be reviewing Reservoir Dogs, though, because a) we’ve all seen it, and b) my intense loathing of Quentin Tarantino bars me from it. –S)

Hey, kids!

You know what would be great for Family Movie Night?! Now, little Billy, don’t give me that look. We know what happened the last time you chose the video for Family Movie Night. Why, your mother didn’t stop weeping for days, and you know how Gramma Jenny feels about those Wiemar-republic era drag queens! Why, it only takes a little encouragement to make her go nipping into the brandy, and we know how Jesus feels about that! Oh, come on, little Becky. Now, we all know you just graduated that liberal arts college up North, but Family Movie Night is always just so much moe enjoyable when the lead characters aren’t repressed transsexual migrant workers who are constantly beaten down by the Man! Let’s all find a movie we can ALL enjoy!

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(My first relevant post after a long haitus! Go me. – S)

I finally went to see Iron Man. Iron Man now rocks my socks. I want a gigantic totally-inefficient-use-of-allocation-of-government-resources suit! The fact that I have had a crush on Robert Downey Jr since I was 6 helps. Mmmmmmmm.

Anyway.

Since Vicki already gave us a review of that movie, I’ll be reviewing something else: the trailers playing in front of it!

1) The Incredible Hulk– wow, I actually want to go see this! I can buy Edward Norton as a nerdy scientist on the run MUCH better than Eric Bana, best known before Hulk for playing a  psychopathic Australian murderer who cut off his own ears to get a better jail sentence.  Nerd power! Apparently everyone is just pretending the first one never happened (which really is a good idea for everyone, from the director to the stars to the caterer…) I was working at a one-screen theater (the Arlington if anyone is in Santa Barbara) when the Hulk came out, and that movie held the record for lowest number of ticket sales that year, beating out even Gods and Generals, a Civil War epic with an intermission that was only watched by Civil War reinactors in full costume. No, I’m not kidding. Pity “served popcorn to Abraham and Mary Todd Lincoln” can never go on my resume…

2) You Don’t Mess With The Zohan– My dad chuckled. It seems chuckle-worthy, and yet very…very…very…okay, lets just say “see this if you’re drunk with friends, on DVD”. Otherwise, I really don’t know what to say.

3) The Love Guru– Hey kids! If you feel compelled to watch every single Mike Myers film ever created, regardless of plot, quality, or performance…uh, well, then I feel very, very sorry for you, and recommend you see this on DVD, you poor fool.

4) Sex and the City– Seriously. I have no idea why this trailer was tacked onto Iron Man. Having lived in NYC and been subjected to roughly 80000000 Sarah Jessica Parker wannabes (if you are sitting next to me in a bar and you order a Cosmopolitan, I will CUT YOU), I will not be seeing this, junior-high crush on Chris Noth notwithstanding (have you SEEN Law & Order from his time? Oh, I do love me some gruff conflicted heroes with tragic pasts…)

5) Wanted– I confess that I have never seen an Angelina Jolie movie in my life and on the whole find both her and Brad Pitt thoroughly annoying and unattractive, but I think I’ll have to see this. Depends on the romance factor. Only thing I can find serious fault with from the trailer is that the effects artists seem to be under the mentality that Bullet Time is the epitome of action and must be used at EVERY SINGLE OPPORTUNITY.

6) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull– honestly I was a bit underwhelmed, but I’ve never been much of an Indy girl. I don’t really do the adventure genre. Too much exposition, not enough explosions.

I end on this note, to justify my childhood Robert Downey Jr lust:

Nomnomnom

Oh, thank you, Iron Man, for seeing fit to put him in tight tank tops…a LOT.

Yes, I realize I didn’t watch or review or anything this weekend, and I’m sorry for it. My parents just moved to Savannah, Georgia two or so months ago and I just moved a WEEK ago after 4 years away from home, so this entire weekend was spent cleaning, unpacking, tossing stuff, etc. And, spraining my ankle. Severely. So severely that last night I was unable to put ANY pressure whatsoever on it, I was leaning on a wall and hopping for most of the day, and if my mother wasn’t a former nursing student/school nurse I probably wouldn’t be able to walk at ALL today. (As is– Ace bangages and Aleve are my new best friends. And chardonnay.)

SO– I will do something this week. I promise promise promise! I’m starting my job tomorrow but I WILL carve time out this week and I WILL watch and I WILL review a movie. Swear to God! Even if it’s something I’ve seen before, but I promise the stuff I own is generally so weird you MIGHT not have watched it before.

At the very least, I watched some action-ish TV in the past couple of weeks! (Yes, this sounds pathetic to you, but I have not have TV access in over a year. It’s some exotic medium to me. Moving pictures! On a box! America isz VUNDARFAL!).

– Medical Mysteries and Mystery Diagnosis (it’s a thriller! Really!)

– Big Medicine (graphic surgery footage!)

– The Weather Channel (shuddit! Storm Stories and When Weather Changed History)

– DIRTY JOBS!!!!!!! YESSS!!! Oh, Mike Rowe, how I missed thee! (Vicki, you surely remember those glorious evenings in St. Augustine when the night was young, the moon was high, and there was both a Dirty Jobs AND Mythbusters marathon?)

In totally unrealted news, anyone heard the song “Moon River”? By Johnny Mercer? He’s a Savannah boy, and I crossed Moon River today. Ladies and gents, it is not “wider than a mile”. Nor is it exactly a river. I guess “Moon Marshy Swampland Possibly Wider Than a Half Mile During Flood Season” doesn’t rhyme.

– Susana

(PS: No crap about me/my family living in Georgia, please. We’ve heard it, we’re tired of it. we’re Southern so it’s kinda insulting, and we’ve been trying to move here for 6 years. So, PLEASE. I’ve lived in LA, NYC, Paris, and San Francisco, and yes, I desire to spend the rest of my life in semi-rural Georgia. Read Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. That’s Savannah. I love it here.)

I have good excuses!

1) I just had finals and graduated college. Like, the day before yesterday.

2) I just moved out of my apartment in NYC. The day before yesterday.

3) I just moved into my parents house in Savannah, GA. Like, three hours ago. My butt, tis numb. I think I might have left it in Roanoke.

4) I have a job interview. Tomorrow afternoon. That was fast.

But I promised Vicki I would review a movie this weekend, and damn it, I could use a mindless spot of blow-em-up entertainment! I’m thinking it’ll be an older (70s or 80s) flick but I haven’t yet decided…you’ll just have to wait on bated breath. (Anyone else think ‘bated breath’ sounds like you haven’t brushed your teeth in weeks? Discuss.)

Thank you Vicki for updating!

– S