REVIEW: “Star Trek”

I admit, Star Trek was one of the few bandwagons that I did not board. Sure, I watched Star Trek, never the original but several of the later series, never regularly. Thanks to “Star Trek” of the nondescript name, I am now willing to go back and watch them all today. No spoilers this time,  (that means its good enough for me to go out of my way to avoid ruining it)! -v

REVIEW: “Transporter 3″

Wayyyy back in 2002,  when Susanna still spelled her name with 2 n’s, we went to see a movie. Armed with a liter of  soda and king size bag of Cheddar & Sour Cream Ruffles, we were unprepared for the “The Transporter” experience. In the first 10 minutes there is a high speed car chase, explosions within the first 20 minutes, and missile launchers and helicopter chases in 30. “Transporter 3″, however, does not live up to its predecessor. Here be spoilers -v

REVIEW: “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”

(X-Men Origins, was an acclaimed comic  series before executives decided that Wolverine as played by Hugh Jackman was a cash cow  just waiting to be slaughtered for golden eggs! As you can probably guess, the comic was about origins, Wolverine’s origins. *whisper* He’s in the X-men! Having received conflicting recommendations about this movie, I decided to view it for myself. -v)

REVIEW: “The Running Man”

How do I love thee, Arnold Schwarzenegger? Lemme count the ways:

1) Your name is nearly unpronounceable, much less spell-able– yet I spelled it right the first time.

2) You’re the Gubernator of my (mostly) home state, and when you ran against Gray Davis it was the first year I was legally allowed to vote (although I admit I didn’t vote for you, since I knew you were going to win anyway…I voted for the sumo wrestler running against you. My God, it was a wonderful thing to be a Californian that year).

3) You starred in Last Action Hero, possibly the only movie my dad worked on that he liked working on.

3a) As a result of that movie, I have your autograph.

4) You starred in The Running Man.

REVIEW: “The Bank Job”

YES so I booked my own passage aboard the Failship. (Can I be the bosun? I always liked saying “bosun”…) My excuse is: I have one day a week when I’m not in grad school or at work. Life has a tendency to get in the way.

But now that I am back for the moment, let me speak of The Bank Job, a gloriously stupid heist flick that has two things immediately going for it:

1) It has Jason Statham in it

2) It is the only DVD I have ever seen that does not have a synopsis of the actual movie on the case….anywhere. Seriously! No summary on the back. No tagline. No nothing that lets you know what this movie is actually about. Although to be fair, if you’re renting a Jason Statham movie you kind of know what you’re in for. I love the man dearly, but it’s not like he does the works of Marlowe between shoot-em-up action flicks.

REVIEW: Dark City: The Director’s Cut

(I admit, I chose this flick for one very, very important reason:

I am f*cking obsessed with this movie.

This has been my favorite movie since it came out in 1998– let’s face it, something has to be daaaamn good for someone to have as her favorite movie for ten years straight. Be prepared for unrestrained gushing. This is my unabashed fangirl moment. -S)

For the uninitiated, Dark City was a sci-fi tour-de-force (as they say) that had three strikes against it:

1) It was marketed as a humanistic drama

2) It came out right after Titanic

3) and a few months before The Matrix

Dark City suffers from constant comparisons to The Matrix, in part due to the subject matter and also due to the unfortunate releasing schedule. As I recall, Dark City lasted only a couple of months in theaters. I, at 13, had no interest in seeing it, simply because my mother wanted to see it. WHY she wanted to, I have no idea. She doesn’t even remember it came out in the first place. So, I allowed my mother to drag me, kicking and screaming, to this movie where the major plot point was– as far as I knew– that everyone dressed like the 1940s. YAWN.

Boy, was I in for a surprise.

REVIEW: “Red Cliff”

I’ve taken extended leave, after my internship I’m gallivanting about until December, nonetheless I know my duty, and so, here’s my token contribution to the summer movie party — partially fulfilling Susanna’s demands, I present “Red Cliff”, the most expensive Asian film ever made. That’s what they said, and I’m not gonna voice contradiction after what I saw. -v July 08
I wrote this review about two months ago, just to show you all how very on-top of things I am. You can all thank Susanna for this one, but just so you all know, I’m only doing this because I’m out of money, and waiting for a bus to take me to the airport. -v

Enraged by Susanna’s laughable challenge and derision towards the number one country of Taiwan China -insert offended Asian country here-, I immediately rushed out to watch this amazing piece of Asian cinematography in action. The fact that I got Monday off because of a typhoon is irrelevant. Also, my belated realization that “Red Cliff” will be released State-side, means nothing, as it is clipped of all the delicacy of Chinese nuance and suffers the indignity in the abbreviation of all the character that embodies Chinese epics. In Asia, this film is 2 1/2 hours, twice. The second part comes out in December. When its released in the US, it’ll be 2 1/2 hours. RUINED I TELL YOU! This horrendous theatrical savaging of Chinese history also means I don’t owe anyone a yurt. Least of all that mooch, Susanna.

REVIEW: “Tropic Thunder”

(Sorry for the lack of updates. Vicki is on foreign shores– go go no-idea-what-I’m-doing-after-graduation! – and I’m…well, cheap, as has been explained. – S)

I figure that the reasoning behind the recent Tropic Thunder essentially boils down to the classic “Let’s put on a show!” mentality of 1930s cinema. Director Ben Stiller seems to have culled nearly everyone– and I mean everyone– he has ever met into appearing in this movie. I am not a Ben Stiller fan. Aside from Zoolander, I’m actually not sure if I’ve ever seen him in anything, period. I have a vague recolection that I saw There’s Something About Mary and The Royal Tennenbaums, but honestly, I can’t be certain. That, and the fact that I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anything with Jack Black in it either, led me to believe I wouldn’t really enjoy this movie. Had it not been for the promise of Robert Downey Jr.,  I’m not sure I would have seen it at all…

Ladies and gents, I was so, so, VERY wrong about that opinion.

Oh, wait, crap.

Fuck! Ok, closer anyway…

THEEEERE we go!

REVIEW: “The Incredible Hulk”

(I probably would not have seen this in theaters if my parents hadn’t gone and thus paid for my ticket. You’ll have noticed by now that most if not all of my reviews are on movies that have been on DVD for at least 6 months. I’m so used to paying 11 bucks for a MATINEE ticket in NYC it’s going to take some time for me to get used to Georgia prices…– S)

There is some disagreement between Vicki and I about the quality of this movie.

REVIEW: “Bad Lieutenant”

(I seem to be on a weird Harvey Keitel kick lately. Rest assured I will not be reviewing Reservoir Dogs, though, because a) we’ve all seen it, and b) my intense loathing of Quentin Tarantino bars me from it. –S)

Hey, kids!

You know what would be great for Family Movie Night?! Now, little Billy, don’t give me that look. We know what happened the last time you chose the video for Family Movie Night. Why, your mother didn’t stop weeping for days, and you know how Gramma Jenny feels about those Wiemar-republic era drag queens! Why, it only takes a little encouragement to make her go nipping into the brandy, and we know how Jesus feels about that! Oh, come on, little Becky. Now, we all know you just graduated that liberal arts college up North, but Family Movie Night is always just so much moe enjoyable when the lead characters aren’t repressed transsexual migrant workers who are constantly beaten down by the Man! Let’s all find a movie we can ALL enjoy!