Blog Stats = Amusement

So for shits-n-giggles (and really, if you don’t use that term regularly? Start doing so now) I looked up Arterial Spray’s blog stats– specifically the keyword searches. Apparently Google (or whatever) has decided that if you want to find our humble blog, these are the best words to type into your box:

amy smart naked pics (I’m shocked! What makes you perverts think that we would show Amy Smart with her breasts exposed, nipple out for all to see, on our virtuous blog?! May I remind the readership that one authoress is Catholic, while the other is undoubtedly some Chinese philosophical religion that rejects such things as Amy Smart’s breasts?!)

does forbidden kingdom have subtitles? (Spoken like a true American. I salute thee, brothers!)

speed racer, brotherhood (why am I picturing David Carradine here?)

movie (Dude. Really? And more than one person used this as their keyword. Dude. Really?)

film crank 2 (OK, boy, can I relate here!)

crank 2 (77 searches?! Ok, wait, there are people on the Intaweb that are more excited about Crank 2 than I? IMPOSSIBLE. I need to meet all of you. NOW.)

forbidden kingdom white guy (Vicki, you just forgot the name of our site, didn’t you?)

sexxxy (ok, wait…of ALL the sites Google could have directed you to for this search, it sent you to an action movie blog in which two chicks titter over Edward Norton side-butt?!?…wow. Although Vicki and I would both agree Edward Norton side-butt is DAMN ’sexxxy’. In other news…please, please, PLEASE learn how to spell correctly.)

crank amy smart (I’m sensing a trend)

pics of zombies feeding on girls (you have us confused with a fetish site, I’m afraid. But points on properly using ‘feeding’ as a verb!)

coreyhaim (dude, NO. Yes, I know he’s in Crank 2. With a mullet. And what appears to be a Bacardi Rum tattoo. Still…NO.)

And the number 1 (with 92 queries!) keyword search?

jason statham

Whoever you 92 people are, I think I love you.

Oh, if for whatever reason I end up posting here more than Vicki? She has an excuse…she’s in Taiwan (land of her heritage! Home of…well, Vicki’s relatives as far as I know. And smog. That’s about it, until Vicki corrects me rightly for totally bashing her homeland) for an internship. Y’know, actually doing stuff after she graduated. Pah! But Vicki? This means you have to review at least ONE Taiwanese/Chinese action film that you KNOW will not be released state-side. You’re there for two months! Are you telling me you won’t see at least ONE?! PAH, I say!

Or you have to get me a yurt during your Mongolian travels.

The deal’s on the table.

REVIEW: “The Incredible Hulk” V.2

Susanna and I had been discussing the creation of a co-review, since we discuss many movies in instant message format anyways. We gave it a shot but it quickly degenerated into something that neither of us could believe readers would suffer. Therefore, here is my rebuttal to Susanna’s “REVIEW: “The Incredible Hulk” -v)

REVIEW: “The Incredible Hulk”

(I probably would not have seen this in theaters if my parents hadn’t gone and thus paid for my ticket. You’ll have noticed by now that most if not all of my reviews are on movies that have been on DVD for at least 6 months. I’m so used to paying 11 bucks for a MATINEE ticket in NYC it’s going to take some time for me to get used to Georgia prices…– S)

There is some disagreement between Vicki and I about the quality of this movie.

REVIEW: “Bad Lieutenant”

(I seem to be on a weird Harvey Keitel kick lately. Rest assured I will not be reviewing Reservoir Dogs, though, because a) we’ve all seen it, and b) my intense loathing of Quentin Tarantino bars me from it. –S)

Hey, kids!

You know what would be great for Family Movie Night?! Now, little Billy, don’t give me that look. We know what happened the last time you chose the video for Family Movie Night. Why, your mother didn’t stop weeping for days, and you know how Gramma Jenny feels about those Wiemar-republic era drag queens! Why, it only takes a little encouragement to make her go nipping into the brandy, and we know how Jesus feels about that! Oh, come on, little Becky. Now, we all know you just graduated that liberal arts college up North, but Family Movie Night is always just so much moe enjoyable when the lead characters aren’t repressed transsexual migrant workers who are constantly beaten down by the Man! Let’s all find a movie we can ALL enjoy!

REVIEW: “The Galíndez File”

(I watched a movie! And thus begot a review! Unfortunately for me, there was a catch… – S)

Dear readers,

I was duped.

When I recently stopped into a big-chain video store whose name I shall not mention, if only to say it begins in “B” and ends in “Lockbuster”, I was rarin’ to rent an action movie. The thought of mindless shoot-em-up entertainment was a thought of pure delight, and anyway, I owed AS about 90 reviews by that point. My decision that day was to find an obscure title, one that our readers would not normally pick up. In my pick of The Galíndez File, I thought that I had found a keeper.